In trying as we all do to try to keep our homes and lives organized. Sometimes it is easier than others. Sometimes two (or more) responsibilities conflict and we must decide what to do.
I recently had a situation like this. My mom is 89 and just recently gave up her car as she did not drive it that often and wanted to save the costs of insurance and maintaining it. I have started driving her to her doctor for appointments - so far around every 3 months. She sees other doctors also and needs to run errands, but even letting me drive her to these appointments is a major step in her giving up a bit of control and (supposedly) the reason she asked me to drive her to these appointments is that the doctor is 3 communities away and the taxis fee would be expensive. (Taxis here do not charge by the mile, they charge by how many zones one travels in.) Personally, hearing what she pays for a taxi ride, I think that they are too expensive in general. She is signing up for the county service for seniors and handicapped people for transport, but that has to be reserved in advanced and involves traveling to pickup and drop off others enroute.
After 2 trips to the doctor we seem to have a pattern for the day. I pick her up, drive her there, get her into the doctor’s office and then park the car and come back to the office. When she is finished and making her next appointment, I walk into the office area to make sure that I can also make the next appointment (and I put the info in my cell phone calendar). I then get the car (she has trouble walking distances - mostly due to balance, with a walker she would be able to walk much longer distances) and bring it back and help her into the car. We then go to lunch - both times we had pizza at place near the doctor’s office.
Mom had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for this past Tuesday afternoon and I was to take her to see him and we planned our usual lunch afterwards. Our last visit to her doctor we stopped at the bank to make a deposit for her and she again asked if we could do this - no problem.
I have mentioned that my husband has developed a weather phobia. He is only in his mid-60s, but in some ways seems to be older than my mom - he is much more fearful of things beyond his control. He does not like to be alone in general, but especially when he is anticipating an upcoming problem such as weather.
He also greatly builds up problems in his head about anything that needs to be done. You might remember my tale of trying to winterize our RV in November. Well, spring is coming and he wanted to set up an appointment at our RV dealer’s service department to have whatever it is that is broken, fixed. The cost alone scares the heck out of him (and me). We made an appointment for late April. The dealer is 2 states away. There are RV dealers here with service departments, but none who work with this brand of RV and we want someone who knows about it, so we take it back to “our”dealer. Normally we would make an appointment and drive there, getting there between 11 am and noon - it is about a 3 hour drive and we are not morning people. No go for this trip. The service department now shuts at 3:30 and we have to be there by 9 am, 10 the absolute latest. We can drive there the night before and plug in the RV on the outside of the service building and have done this before, but we had working toilet in the RV when we did so and do not have same now. Or we could leave around 6 am to make sure that even with traffic we are there in time (and I rarely can fall asleep before 5 am). Husband went into a panic. I came up with a solution - find an RV park near the dealer which has (as most do) a bathroom on the grounds and ask for a space near it. He is looking for same as the nearest one we know of it is about 45 minutes away and the bathrooms, while nice, are a distance away from the spots we like.
In addition there is a large scandal about the RV manufacturer (not the dealer who is independent) such that if something is not figured out it will be out of business and any items it makes or has made for its RV’s that are not items made for an RV in general, those parts may/will no longer be available. All of the parts for the problems we are having, as far as we know, are general RV parts so there should be no problem at this time. He was, though, in a panic over the company being closed down. I told him (a big fan of James Bond) “never say never” as well as he should not worry about this before it happens as often the original family which owned a company come back when there is a problem to save “their” company.
There was also to be a snowstorm today (the day after the appointment) which was upsetting him no end, despite all weather forecasts showed that it would turn to rain and between the rain and the 50F + weather tomorrow (the day after the storm) it would all melt.
So with all this going on, I had to tell him that I would be out yesterday with my mom for her doctor’s appointment. “PLEASE, you have to come home early!!!” I told him that I would be home as early as possible. Problem is that he sits and it all runs through his head and scares him and then thinks about it more and starts to head towards panic if he is alone.
I did have a solution to needing to be with him to take care of him and taking care of my mom. I thought about it - and then thought again. My mom is a bit, well, a woman who is about to be 90. I love her. Husband if he does not actually love her, likes her in general, but an afternoon with just the 3 of us. But I offered last weekend that he could come along if he wanted/needed to. His face said it all. Then, Monday night, he asked if he could come along. It was the only solution to my needing to be with two people at the same time.
It actually went much better than I (or husband) though it would. Mom even went along with our suggestion to go to Wendys for lunch. She had never been there and was raving about it. Whenever I say we eat there she says the burgers must be greasy, but she raved about them. All in all it was successful day - her report at the doctor was good. Husband was not left home alone. And, we made another bank deposit for mom. After we settled her in at home we ran to the post office for our mail and then the supermarket as husband always needs “more food” in the house when it will snow.
Another thing he worries about - I did the laundry a night early so it would all be done - “just in case” to reassure him. Snow is now over, rain has come, and he keeps looking out to see if the snow is melting - it is.
THOUGHT OF THE WEEK -
If you are caught with competing things to do figure out if they can be done together. I think this actually worked out to be one of the better visits with my mom for me and for husband also. I am not planning to invite him again, but if need be, we will know what to do.
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